Can we talk about boundaries?
Who are they for, really?
Boundaries are kind of a thing with me. I didn't plan it that way. Over the years, my life and the lives of my clients converged on this topic, inviting me to focus on how we can create healthy, loving, enforceable boundaries.
When I first learned about boundaries, I understood them to be an unequivocal line in the sand separating my needs from another's.
To my soft heart, something about this felt closed off. I got that I am not responsible for other people's happiness, but surely there must be a mutual benefit from creating a boundary, right?
I think we can agree that the primary purpose of a boundary is to protect our energy, which restores our sense of peace.
A helpful follow-up question is: Why? What does having full energy stores do? First, they allow you to function at the top of your ability. You feel better. Safer. More productive. More authentically YOU.
And for whom do you need to live as this authentic self? Well, you don’t live in a vacuum. Life is interactive. Relational. By their very definition, boundaries imply there is some kind of separation between you and another person. We can’t really avoid it; the concept of “the other” is a vital factor in creating a successful boundary.
Therefore, if we want our boundaries to be honored, we must consider the other person. What we ultimately want is not only a better, safer, more productive and authentic self—we want that in our relationship with the other person as well. That’s what makes a boundary healthy. I’ll take it one step further: We want loving, compassionate boundaries with others so that we are all respected and honored.
Boundaries help us to learn each other better and clear the way for effective, meaningful, and authentic interaction.
I recently had the pleasure of having this conversation with Verywell Mind. I'm honored to be a part of the resulting article. You can read it in full here .
As it happens, I'm currently writing a new book about creating boundaries that make relationships stronger.
Do you have any boundary stories—challenges or successes? (I won't include them in the book without your permission.) Just leave a comment below or message me. I'd love to hear your thoughts.