In previous posts, we’ve covered what the Self is and how we are connected to the world around us—as an individual, but also as an integral part of everything in existence.
What’s interesting is that often, when we realize how expansive the universe is—we only have our known universe and there’s still stuff beyond that, presumably—we tend to feel insignificant.
I feel the opposite. I believe that your unique self—your energetic iteration in this life—contributes to the whole. If we were all insignificant, there would be no human contribution to life itself. And I don’t think we want to assert that.
We don’t want to go in the other direction either and claim humans are the most important part of the universe, but we do have a significant place here. Jeez, we came up with intentional art and architecture, music, and science. We all contribute individually to the tapestry of the beauty of this experience. We, our vibrant and perfectly imperfect selves, are the colors that make it beautiful.
So, what’s stopping us from stepping into that awareness and being perfectly happy with our lives as they are, ourselves as who we are? Sometimes, it’s the voices in our heads that tell us we are: insignificant, unworthy, not quite “there” yet, not good enough, not smart or attractive enough, not young enough, not old enough, not valid…
These thoughts come up seemingly without any prompting. Usually, it’s when we are embarking on something new and exciting—possibly growth-oriented or life-expanding, affirming. Whatever it is, it usually involves some kind of risk toward adventure. When we’re about to take on this life-expanding challenge, we get stopped in our tracks by these negative thoughts that come up automatically.
That’s why they are called Automatic Negative Thoughts, or ANTs.
What are ANTs?
Automatic Negative Thoughts keep you from success—either professionally or personally. The voices in our head that says you’re not good enough, or you haven’t tried hard enough.
These are prompted by Cognitive Distortions, which are irrational and unhelpful thought patterns that keep us in negative mental loops. These continuous loops also lead to depression and anxiety. CDs were first studied extensively by psychiatrist and founder of Cognitive Therapy, Aaron Beck. He’s also the one who first noticed automatic thoughts cropping up in his depressed clients and the nature of those thoughts fell into three categories: negative ideas about themselves, the future, and the world. Also known as the cognitive triad. The longer these thoughts are left unaddressed, the more likely they will feel real to you.
A Few Cognitive Distortions
Labeling: Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you attach a negative label to yourself. “I’m a jerk.” “I’m a loser.” “I’m unlovable.” But you are not the things you do nor the things that happen to you! We’ll talk about labeling again in a bit.
Mental Filter: You focus on a negative detail exclusively, so that your vision of all reality gets blocked out. Example: You have a presentation at school or work and everyone likes it. The professor or your supervisor makes some suggestions for improvement and that’s all you hear. You obsess about the critical comments for days and ignore all the positive feedback.
Discounting the Positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count." If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn’t good enough or that anyone could have done the same thing. And even when you know you have done a good job, that cognitive distortion, the automatic thought, says that your success is not genuine. Your achievements are not as valid as others’. Somehow, you’re waiting for others to figure out you’re a fake and expose you. Expose you as what? A failure. That’s called Impostor Syndrome. You’re never good enough but somehow you get away with it. This leaves you with a feeling of inadequacy and self-defeat.
“Should” Statements: You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. I should be married by now. I should have a six-figure income. I should have had a book published or a raise or a promotion. You “should” on yourself, as a teacher of mine likes to say. That’s no good. You shouldn’t do that. Kidding. But not really.
Mind-reading: Without looking at the facts, you decide that someone is reacting negatively to you. This happens in relationships a lot. I didn’t get a kiss goodnight means that my partner is mad at me and suppressing the anger and we’re going to break up…
Emotional Reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel guilty. I must be an awful person.” Or “I feel so inferior. This means I’m not as good as everyone else.”
Do any of these seem familiar to you? I know I’ve been guilty of at least all of them at one point or another in my life.
Where Do ANTs Come From?
Primarily, the voices in our heads are the ones we heard growing up. Parents or primary caregivers not giving us the verbal affirmation that we needed in order to thrive. This isn’t always done maliciously, but sometimes it is.
Some caregivers are outright abusive with their language: “You’ll never amount to anything.”
Sometimes caregivers do subtle damage by labeling—as we just talked about—saying things without thinking what they really mean like, “You’re a bad kid,” versus “You did something that was bad.” Hear the difference? One is an identity and the other is a mistake that can be corrected. One is finite, the other fluid. Fluidity is what we want. The ability to change our minds. Literally. We’ll talk about that in a second.
The important thing to note here is that it’s patterning: the language we hear from our caregivers when we’re young becomes our inner dialogue when we’ve grown up and those caregivers are no longer around.
But all is not lost!
What is the Real Purpose of ANTs?
We might think of ANTs as watchdogs. Barking and snarling and nasty on the outside, but they are the parts of your psyche that are protecting you from failure, injury, or worse. They look out for you so you don’t repeat The Terrible Mistake we’re used to hearing about from our caregivers.
How to Work With ANTs
What do we do when company comes over and the dog barks? We tell the dog “It’s okay. Shh! We’re safe.” And if you’re really nice, you praise the dog for doing a good job.
That’s kind of what we need to do with automatic negative thoughts. Say thank you and get back to your life.
Changing Behavior/Burning New Neural Pathways
In 2000, Nobel prize winner Dr. Eric Kandel showed that through classic conditioning the brain could be retrained. This process is called neuroplasticity. One of the ways we retrain our brains is through the way we talk to ourselves.
Cherokee Wolf Parable
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
When the ANTs bark in your ear, say thank you and choose not to feed those thoughts. That’s the key.
Ask Yourself This Key Question: Is this thought serving me?
In other words, Is this thought worth feeding?
Remember, both those voices are trying to protect you. They love you. They want the best for you, but like your watchdog who doesn’t know for sure who’s friend or foe, you have to let the voice in your head know. Asking “Is this thought serving me?” is the way to do that.
Are All Negative Thoughts Bad?
Scenario 1: Let’s say you want to do a 5k obstacle course race. You’re 60 years old, not particularly trained, but in pretty good shape. The voice in your head may say, “You’re too old to do this! You’ll crack your head open on the first wall jump!” Now, if you’re not training for the race—these things are brutal!—that voice is likely correct. You are too old to run an obstacle course race without proper training. You could hurt yourself irreparably.
Scenario 2: Now let’s say you want to change careers from project management to Reiki healer. You get all excited about studying and the ways you’re going to help people, and then the voice in your head says, “You’re too old to do this! You’ll be the oldest person in school, maybe no one will want Reiki from a newbie who looks like they’re about to retire…”
With the obstacle course race example, yes, your voice is protecting you from getting physically injured. There’s nothing that says you can’t begin proper training for the race, but if you don’t train, that voice is serving you.
With the corporate job-turned-healer scenario, this voice is a legitimate ANT. It only serves to hold you back from what it (i.e., the incorrect belief system/unhelpful messages from your past) perceives as failure.
Remember that you are the one to decide what is right for you, not the watchdog, not the ANT. In that scenario, you can comfortably say, “Thank you for looking out for me. I got this. It may be scary, but I can handle it.”
Changing Your Perception
Finally, consider this: Who else might benefit from my choice to pursue this scary thing?
If we reframe the negative messaging, we could uncover advantages to you taking a risk that would actually help the larger community. For example:
· Training for and running an obstacle race at 60 may inspire others to do the same.
· Changing careers to one of healing allows you to reach people in need of relief.
It’s not all about you; it’s about what you are giving back to our shared world family.
Don’t feed the ANTs. Eat them. Absorb them. Reintegrate them as parts of your being. That way you remain in control of them and not the other way around.
Great post, Rachel. My approach to ANTs has been to thank them for warning me of some impending challenge or problem, explain that things are under control (bc we're taking steps x, y, & z) and let them know that their warnings have been taken under advisement and don't need to recur. Sometimes I'll even suggest they not recur until a specific date, which works amazingly well. I've found this technique especially helpful for those intrusive ANTs that seem to arrive either while I'm trying to fall asleep or that might wake me up at 4am. Anyway, thanks again for a great post!