Building Your Foundation of Self: Walking the Path of Awakening
The latest from the Self Talk podcast
Self Talk with Rachel Astarte, Episode 136
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
—Carl Jung
Transcript [Edited]
What is awakening?
Simply put, awakening is a perceptional shift in consciousness, during which we begin to see our interconnectedness with all things. We come to know that the world does not revolve around us; we move with the world. There is no separation between our individual selves and all around us.
Zen Buddhists call it satori. Seeing one’s true nature. Now, because in Zen Buddhist teachings, everything in transient, satori is thought of as a brief moment of awareness. A taste of enlightenment, but not in the Western sense of being fully actualized, but having a glimpse of our True Nature.
Even that glimpse can be life-changing.
It’s the understanding that we are integral to what Taoists call primal unified awareness.
In Hinduism, it’s satccidānanda—sat (truth), ccid (consciousness), ananda (bliss)—the ecstatic state of realizing the unity and wholeness of all existence.
This also brings us back to Ramana Maharshi’s philosophy of Advaita Vedanta: Everything is energy communicating with itself.
What happens when we awaken?
Within the Self
Once we realize the interconnectedness of all things, we begin to realize that the self-centered world we have lived in is akin to living in a box. Now that we’ve blown the lid and sides off the box, the infinite vastness of creation and possibility can be decentering, to put it mildly.
So, what happens to the individual self in the face of eternal cosmic oneness? It fights back!
Rather, the underdeveloped ego fights back.
The underdeveloped ego freaks out because becoming aware of our true nature—being pure consciousness—means that the ego self—the small s self—dies. The scrapping, grappling, always-scheming thinking mind necessarily dies as it recognizes that this life of suffering is a dream; our true nature is eternal. It is the all, the nothing, the all-way everything.
Energy doesn’t die; it changes form. We come from that plane, return to it, and iterate in new forms as Consciousness experiences itself. This is the cycle.
As a little kid, I used to stare up at the sky. I imagined going up and up and up until I hit the end of the cosmos. But there was no end. Ever. That dizzying feeling, I assume, is the closest I could get to what it is like to return to Pure Consciousness state.
If that’s the behavior of the underdeveloped ego, what does a developed ego look like?
The ego has a place; it’s the “container of the soul,” as Carol Pearson puts it in her book, Awakening the Heroes Within. Our developed ego maintains the balance of being fully human and at one with Source.
Outside of the Self
Outside of ourselves, our awakening means that the relationships we established before awakening will change or end entirely.
No one prepares us for this, but it’s as much a part of the journey as your voice changing during puberty. It’s part of the deal.
If you are aware of this at the start, it will be less shocking when it happens.
Homeostasis
In family therapy, we work with systems. One of the tenets of systems work is homeostasis. That is the balance of roles and behaviors within a system (a family or a couple). Even if the roles we have are dysfunctional, it’s still a trusted dynamic, one that all members have gotten used to.
Now, if someone in the family—let’s say a troubled child—gets therapy and begins to change their behavior for the better, there’s been a disruption, right?
The homeostasis is out of whack. What ends up happening is an unconscious drive to compensate—to regain homeostasis by any means necessary. That might mean that as the troubled child becomes more stable, another child in the family might start acting up. Or the father might start drinking more. You see?
So, when you awaken, you disrupt the homeostasis of your system of relationships. Necessarily, some people—friends, parents, siblings, other family members—will resent your “new self” and either try to push your buttons to get you back to your old, small s self ways or begin to act out themselves, treating you as if you’ve betrayed them.
Which, in effect, you have.
So, what can we do?
Well, here’s what we can’t do: Fix it.
It helps to remind yourself that we are all energy. In this moment, in this place, we have human form.
Your family and friends are experiencing their own journey. We can’t know what it is they are here to learn. Neither can we interfere.
We cannot awaken a sleepwalker.
I love this teaching so much. What Watts is saying here is that we cannot interfere with others’ growth.
What we can do is be present and loving, as all others are ultimately our siblings.
Ram Dass has this wonderful perspective on holding space for others: “We morally have no right to take away another person’s suffering.”
Isn’t that the shit?
So, even if our awakening causes suffering in others, we can simply listen—not get bogged down in the mud with them. In that way, we are living as our capital S Self, the awakened understanding that we are all in this together.
That reminds me of another one of my favorite Ram Dass quotes: “We’re all just walking each other home.”
What does it mean to be on the awakened path?
In short, being on the awakened path means that our realization that we are part of a greater whole shifts our entire worldview.
We are compelled to continue our inner work of clearing the misalignments within ourselves—childhood wounding, anger, jealousy, negative self-talk, unhealthy boundaries—that cloud the luminescence of pure consciousness, our true nature.
Here's the deal, though. Once you awaken, you can’t go back to sleep.
Sorry. You can’t unsee the great seeing. This is a blessing, of course, but it can also feel like a great effort. Oh, shit. Another thing I have to deal with. There’s that anger again. That need for external validation.
There’s a real challenge here in that we may begin to expect results to come quickly. I’m awake, so why does this shit still bother me? Why does it feel like I’m not making progress?
Well, that’s awareness at work. The first tool we use as we build our foundation of self. You are aware that you feel impatient with yourself. That’s a good thing. What matters is how you respond to that awareness.
How does being on the awakened path apply to Foundation of Self work?
Remember—
Nonjudgment is that magic elixir we carry with us on our path of inner work. It helps us look objectively and lovingly at where we are misaligned.
Awareness is the tool we use to look objectively at our wounded thought patterns, behaviors, and actions.
Gentleness is the salve we apply to the wounds we uncover.
As you clear out internal misalignments and perhaps become aware of impatience with your progress, nonjudgment and gentleness become essential.
You need patience, love, and gentleness while working through old wounds.
Remember that they were in place much longer than you’ve been awake, so it will take time to change old patterns.
Thanks to neuroplasticity, that’s possible. It’s been proven that the brain can change how it processes information based on retraining.
The paradox of awakening
Now, this awareness that we are part of the whole may seem counterintuitive to self-development. If there is no self, per se, what’s the point?
This is the paradox!
In one of the minor Vedic texts, the Tejobindu Upanishad, satcitananda is explained like this:
The realization of Atman (Atman is your individual Soul/True Self)
(...) I am of the nature of consciousness.
I am made of consciousness and bliss.
I am nondual, pure in form, absolute knowledge, absolute love.
I am changeless, devoid of desire or anger, I am detached.
I am One Essence, unlimitedness, utter consciousness.
I am boundless Bliss, existence and transcendent Bliss.
I am the Atman , that revels in itself.
I am the Sacchidananda that is eternal, enlightened and pure.— Tejobindu Upanishad, 3.1-3.12 (Abridged)
Sound familiar? All this “I am” stuff?
It should; that’s the name of God. In Exodus 3:13-14, Moses asks God, “Who shall tell the Israelites is sending me to them?”
God says, “I am that I am… Tell them I AM sent me to you.”
So, you see, your awakened self is the realization that you are one with the divine. That’s how vital You are. You are a breath of the divine.
Your individual life is the Universe, Source, God, Great Spirit, Great Mystery, Pure Consciousness experiencing itself.
And your contribution is essential to the Whole.
Think about that. If you make a cake using rotten or spoiled ingredients, is it still a cake? Sure, but it’s not a good one. We are all ingredients in the cake of pure consciousness.
That’s why it behooves you to do your inner work and to shine your unique light in this world. Building a strong foundation of self is your commitment as an ambassador of Source.
Now that you have the basics—what inner work is, the importance of practicing nonjudgment, how to use the tool of awareness in your inner work, how to apply gentleness to your growth, and what it means to be on the awakened path—we can begin to look at practical applications for Foundation of Self work.
We’ll begin with self talk. A good place to start.
Until then, be gentle with yourself.
🌟 Bonus Video 🌟
I urge you to take 12.5 minutes to watch Eckhart Tolle’s video, “Journey into Awakening.”
Each individual is an expression of the collective consciousness of humanity, and the collective consciousness of humanity is an expression of the one universal consciousness.
—Eckhart Tolle
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