Building Your Foundation of Self—Mastering Self-talk

The latest from the Self Talk podcast

Self Talk with Rachel Astarte, Episode 137
”The Story of Two Wolves” music: "Journey Circle Song" written and performed by Rachel Astarte

Be mindful of your self-talk, it’s a conversation with the Universe.
—David James Lees

Transcript [Edited for Substack readers]

Those negative voices are not yours. • Photo by The New York Public Library on Unsplash

As we continue the theme of building our Foundation of Self, let’s talk about one of the issues that arises for many of us at some point: negative self-talk. That restricting voice that says, "You're not good enough," "You'll never get it right," or "Why even try?"

Let’s cut right to the chase: That voice is not yours.

It’s the ghostly echo of the messages we received as children—whether from parents, caregivers, family members, teachers, spiritual leaders, or even other children.

Today, we’re going to focus on sifting through all that past stuff to remember who it is that’s really speaking, and what voice to listen to instead.

Negative self-talk is learned.

We are not born thinking we aren’t worthy. That has to be taught. Over time, we absorb messages from caregivers, our culture, peers, and painful experiences. These messages create an internal narrative that feels real because it's familiar. But just because it's familiar doesn't mean it's true.

Remember that even the most self-critical thoughts began as a misguided attempt to protect us. That inner critic isn't bad; It's scared. It's trying to keep you safe, often by making you small. So instead of pushing it away, we meet it with curiosity and compassion.

There’s a simple way to do that. Grab your favorite notebook and pen and let’s get started.

Just notice • Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

Step One: Awareness Without Judgment

As we’ve discussed in previous episodes, nonjudgment is the lifeblood of Foundation of Self work, and awareness is the first manifestation of the work. The first tool we apply to our inner investigations.

So, we begin by noticing the voice. That’s it. Just take note of how you speak to yourself. Maybe that voice is saying, "I'm such a mess," or "I'm always behind."

Pause. Say to yourself, "Ah, I notice the voice of not-enough is speaking." That alone shifts us from being the voice to witnessing it. And that's powerful.

Step Two: Identify the Source

Ask yourself, "Who does this sound like?" At first it may sound like you because it’s in the echo-sound of your voice. But the truth is, it is not you, it’s a learned phrase, a learned thought. So, where is that coming from?

Is it your mother’s voice? A strict teacher? A younger version of you trying to survive?

It’s not who you are now, so who is it?

Often, these voices are borrowed. They're echoes of someone else's fear. Remember, if someone is projecting their fear onto you, it has nothing to do with you.

If you’re told growing up that you’re ugly, that’s not because you’re ugly! It’s because the person who is saying it feels ugly and insecure and needs to make you small so they feel big.

Recognizing that makes space for you to make a choice about whether or not to listen to this voice.

You are a spark of the universe • Photo by NASA Hubble Space Telescope on Unsplash

Step Three: Call In the Foundation of Self

Now, place a hand on your heart or your belly. Take a slow breath. And imagine you're inviting your Highest Self forward.

Let’s take a moment to talk about the highest self. What is that?

First of all, the Highest Self is not separate from you—it is you.

The Highest Self is that wise, loving, grounded presence within you. It's always your individual self at all. Instead, it is an iteration of collective consciousness—just as you are. So, when we say “it’s always been there,” what we mean is that it has always been.

You come from Pure Consciousness itself. We all do. So do the trees, animals, insects, rocks, and rivers.

You are a spark of the universe.

You carry within you the eternal Great Mind of Creation.

The Highest Self, then, is your true self, your true voice, unfettered by mundane narratives, stories that you’ve told yourself or that others have told you about who you are.

Your Highest Self is eternally rooted in Pure Consciousness. And you hear that voice all the time. It’s often just a quiet knowing. It may be the voice that told you to read this Substack. Or urged you to get therapy. Or, as you were sitting peacefully in the woods, it told you, “This is good. Do more of this.”

So. As you revise your self-talk, let the voice of your Highest Self take the lead.

Step Four: Rewrite the Script

From this anchored place, revisit the original negative thought. Then ask, "What would my Highest Self say instead?"

Instead of: "I'm a failure."
Try: "No one’s a failure until you give up. You're human. You're learning. And I love you."

Instead of: "Nothing ever works out for me."
Try: "Not everything has worked out in the past, but you're still here, and you're growing."

These aren’t affirmations. They’re validations. We’re recalibrating the voice of the wounded self so that it becomes supportive. We choose the voice of truth, not fear.

This is the voice of your Highest Self, your capital S Self.

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THE HIGHEST SELF, REVISITED

Why does the Highest Self matter?
Because the voice you listen to most becomes the story you live inside.

Many of you are familiar with the Cherokee tale of the two wolves.

Here it is, as shared by Lakota Circles of Hope:

The wolf that you feed wins. • Photo by Honza Reznik on Unsplash

The Story of Two Wolves

A Grandfather from the Cherokee Nation was talking with his grandson.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves.

“One wolf is evil and ugly: He is anger, envy, war, greed, self-pity, sorrow, regret, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, selfishness and arrogance.

“The other wolf is beautiful and good: He is friendly, joyful, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, justice, fairness, empathy, generosity, true, compassion, gratitude, and deep vision.

"This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other human as well."

The grandson paused in deep reflection because of what his grandfather had just said.

Then he finally cried out, "Oyee! Grandfather, which wolf will win?"

The elder Cherokee replied, "The wolf that you feed."

The more we practice hearing and trusting our Truest Self, the more we respond from love instead of reacting from fear. That’s “feeding the good wolf.” It changes how we relate not only to ourselves but to others and the world.

You don’t need to get rid of the inner critic. You need to stop mistaking it for you. The you you are is much bigger than that. Much wiser. It’s the one who’s just now saying, “Yeah, that sounds right.”

It’s your Highest Self, your True Self. That’s the voice to listen to.

That’s it for this time. I’m off for my birthday month of August.

I invite you to use this time to be with and listen—truly listen—to your Highest Self.

Until next time, be gentle with your Self.

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